Oh Paperclay, Please Be My Friend

(crossposted, sort of, with the Fantasy Artists Emerging forum)

I have a big ol' block of paperclay-- that is, the dry just-add-water papier-mache stuff, not the actual-clay-with-paper-in stuff-- and I am dying to use it. It's fun to play with, and just the thing for the ever looming summer heat-- wet, ovenless crafting! Yes! Artists do wonderful things with this stuff. Make masks. Furniture. Custom paper surfaces to do wonderful collage art. It's cheap, it's energy-efficient, it feels wonderfully slimy and cool in my hands. It's like working with mud again, and my inner toddler is infinitely delighted.

The thing is, I am AWFUL with this stuff. Everything I've ever made with paperclay turns into a heap of lumpy paper and sadness. I can get general shapes across, but it takes forever to dry, humps oddly, and has big lumps-- not minor texture, big tumorous lumps-- all through every project. I've read many tutorials on using paperclay, but they all focus on individual projects over personal horrible technique.

What I need is a tutorial on How To Stop Screwing Up Your Paperclay, Carapace, You Awful Cruel Paper Abuser You. What I get are pages on pages of text that assume I am a halfway competent human being who knows what I need to do. I'm not! I don't! And I keep wrecking my paperstuff.

I love paperclay. I want it to love me back. And right now I am outside the window with minstrels singing ballads,beginning to suspect that Paperclay is more into bikers...