Tuesday, October 6, 2009

So Then There Was That Time I Nearly Burned to Death

crossposted from one of my forums, because hey, this was EXCITING:

My dear darling husband nearly burned our house down last week! Cooking! I don't know how the man does it, but he always makes huge billowing clouds of billow when he cooks *anything*. He can get smoke going in a stew. So I was not surprised to see the kitchen erupt in smoke; I was surprised to see him being lit by the flame of a merry blaze.

You know what my dear sweet wonderful husband did then, confronted with a brightly burning grease fire?

He blew at it.


And said "Whoa", when it jumped higher, and directly towards him.

Meanwhile, I was of course saying, in a calm and rational and not the least panicking voice, "BAKING SODA! USE THE BAKING SODAOHMYGODWHATAREYOUDOING BAKINGSODA! RIGHT! THERE!"

I handle stress well.
In my defense, I was gathering our valuables for imminent flight.
At last my husband's language processing centers finally realized that "baking soda" was not an epithet, and dumped about 1.5 pounds of white powder on our 4 inch radius burner. The flames went out, with a final billow of white smoke.

And quoth the cause of all the trouble, "Wow."

And so the day was saved, thanks to the power of common sense. Shouted at 150 decibels.

Until he did it again, five minutes later.


Rose Works Jewelry said...

That's hysterical! I don't feel as bad about my hubbies cooking skills now :P

Kathleen said...

ROFLOL! That is too funny - does he work as a fire fighter? Thought maybe this was a 'controlled burn' =p

Carapace said...

Ya'll know the weird thing? His food is always really quite tasty, if a little salty for my taste (I have a really really low salt tolerance, so that's not a big bad judgement.). It's surreal, watching him cook--disaster everywhere, but the results are fantastic.

Going on 12 years, and he still knows how to light up my life;).

TiLT said...

awesome! hysterically so :P
So - is the baking soda always within reach when he cooks? I think I'd have to root around for ours :P

memoriesforlifescrapbooks said...

OMG! Men can be so stupid sometimes!!! So glad everything turned out okay in the end and that you still have your sense of humor about it!

Anitra Cameron said...

ROFLMBO! You have a true gift, I swear, to be able to take something that scary and make it so funny. I'm still grinning. (And I'm glad disaster was averted!)

mermaiden said...

i have to say, that is an endearing story actually :D and since i tend to like my morsels more on the well-done side, can imagine the char-tastiness.

Carapace said...

TiLT, our cooking-kitchen space is about 6 by 6 feet. Counting the countertops. Everything is within reach of everyone when cooking.;)

Memories, I don't know about my husband being stupid. I think he tends more towards "insane".:P

Thank you, Anitra!

Mermaiden, it's a sad sad fact of my psyche, but I find it endearing too. The amazing thing is that the food was fine; he thought to move the pan. Just...not to not have a fire in the first place. Ah well. If he was perfect, what would I do with my time, right?;)

Lenox Knits said...

That is so funny and I can totally relate. My husband tried to set our house on fire with the gas grill a few weeks after we moved in. I met my neighbors in my front yard waiting for the fire dept. in my pajamas. Great first impression!

Lenox Knits said...

OH, and you are on the mailing list and entered into the contest. Your story was so funny I forgot the reason I came over to visit you!

Splendid Little Stars said...

What more can be said?! great post, loved the comments! Get him a huge tin of soda to keep by the stove at all times when he cooks!

Serene said...

That's so hilarious! But glad you guys are safe!

Athena's Armoury said...

lol. Did you guys ever eat that night?

mandi said...

hahaha halarious. i have learned to keep my husband far from the kitchen...hehe